Friends told me about the second-to-last column by Colleen Loggins in which she addressed women who are highly educated who choose to become stay-at-home mothers. Colleen stated that she thought it is a waste to go through all that education and then not use by staying at home with your kids.

 When I looked it up on the Journal’s website, man-o-man, was there a slew of comments. Many of which were not flattering to the writers.

 People noted that Colleen has no right to make such statements as she is NOT a mother. Some of them questioned her future mothering abilities. (Not cool, people.  That is one thing I hate about these internet comments on news stories. You can hide behind some fake name and spew hatred.)

 The gist of what Colleen wrote was that it is wrong for those of us women who are highly educated to waste our education and talents by staying at home. Because none of us can predict the future, she stated it is good for women to be working parents in case anything should happen to our husbands – be it divorce or death.

 What is irksome is that Colleen is half right.

 It is my opinion that Colleen cannot fathom why anyone who has worked hard through college and any graduate studies would give up that to be a stay at home parent. Four to eight years of studying suddenly goes down the drain because you have decided to become a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).

 I am twenty years older than Colleen and I have four children. I have worked outside of the home, worked out of the home, had part-time jobs to survive and been a stay-at-home-mom. I have been on all sides of the coin and there is no escape from parenting guilt. No matter if you are working outside the home or staying with the kids, there is always guilt of some sort for what you are not doing.

Granted, motherhood should put us women up for sainthood. There is so much cleaning and cooking and playing and lack of sleep. You are trying to keep toddlers out of trouble and fed. Trying to get them toilet trained and learn their letters. I spent years being able to sleep anywhere at the drop of a hat because I was exhausted. That should not be a badge of honor.

 One of the things you lose immediately as a SAHM is credibility except with other mothers. They know what you are doing everyday but strangers you meet at your husband’s work parties blow you off because you are only a stay-at-home-mom. People didn’t want to talk to me as a stay-at-home-mom but they could talk to me when they learned I reviewed movies for a living. Suddenly, I was ‘interesting.’  

 And don’t let others try to tell you the SAHM world is not competitive, it is. Who volunteers the most, who makes the best treats, who is staying sane without prozac, who still looks like they did before they had kids. The competitive zeal you had as a student and a worker does not go away and it will be directed in another venue. Look at every helicopter parent you have ever known and say that is not a part of the mix.

 Don’t jump on Colleen because she dared to speak some truth. She did it without the experience as a parent to back it up. However, we don’t know what else she might have seen in her life to lead to that opinion. Perhaps she was raised by a mother or had friends who were raised by mothers with no choice in getting to stay home. My mother made it clear to me that I should always be prepared to work to support myself in case my spouse turned out to be a lay-a-bout.

 What Colleen does not yet understand is a mother’s love that drives her home, if possible. That your talents can be re-directed to help your school or church. That those years are precious and it is possible to be trained in new skills when you are ready to go back to work. She hasn’t done it yet and should not be yelled at for her lacks. Would that encourage you to be better after being yelled at in the manner some people yelled at Colleen?

There are books, such as Comback Moms by Monica Samuels and J.C. Conklin, that show it can be done, that you can have both worlds. How you do it might differ from other people but you can learn a lot by finding out how other make the transition from work to being a SAHM to working again.

Maybe you can not do it all at the same time but it is possible. Have you been able to do it?

Karyn Bowman lives in Kankakee County with her outdoor writer husband and four children. Send an e-mail to momgoestothemovies@sbcglobal.net.

By Karyn Bowman

I never realized how disappointed I was in the lack of Jane Austen works until I was reading the novel Ladies With Options in which one character laments a lack of new novels from Austen.

I agreed with that statement so deeply that I, too, felt the loss. But when a life is so short (Austen lived only 41 years) it is easy to see how so few novels could be completed. Considering how difficult it was to get a novel published in those days by a lady writer, the task seems almost impossible.

And yet there were women writers at the time. Mrs. Radcliffe was known for her gothic novels that were devoured by the multitudes. Austen had her as a guide point of what could happen. But her direction of writing was completely different, focusing on the dramas that can take place in the small villages.

The 16^th of December is Austen’s birthday and I am choosing to remember the writer who influences my own works though we do not write in the same style or about the same subjects. Yet I feel akin to her, hoping to have as lively as a mind that never seemed to stop. Whenever I do biographical research o the woman, I find there are many sides to her. She had been called a silly flirt, a devoted aunt, a brilliant writer, and unlucky in love.

We know there was a broken engagement on her part, a possible tendre with Tom Lefroy and a mysterious start of a relationship in Lyme Regis that ended with the man’s untimely death. We know that her sister Cassandra burned the majority of their letters and that family members wrote memoirs about Jane.

And yet there is so little we do not know.

Over the years, fans of her work have invaded Hollywood and created beautiful and well done films based on her books. But there is one novel that has been ignored and it might be my favorite because the main character is delightfully deceptive and selfish. Lady Susan is told through letters about a young widow who seeks to marry off her daughter to a rich lord and find herself a suitable situation.

In my mind I see Kate Winslet as Susan, knowing that she would sink her teeth in to this villain who is destined to win out against her enemies who are just as self-absorbed and think they are on the side of goodness. Surely Emma Thompson would make a great script and find a great part for herself and a number of friends, including Alan Rickman.

For now it is only a hope.

Karyn Bowman is also known as Mom Goes to the Movies and wrote for the Daily Journal as their movie reviewer for over seven years. She lives in Kankakee County with her outdoor writer husband and four children.

By Karyn Bowman

Movies might be one obsession, but reading is my first.

Ever since I could put letters together to make words I have been reading.

Admittedly, I will read just about anything. I have read my husband’s Sports Illustrated along with my Jane Austen novels.

I am always disappointed that she wrote only six gems. But there it is.

Recently I was sent a series of books by Richelle Mead called The Vampire Academy. Fitting for Halloween, the books are about a secret vampire world most humans know nothing about.

In this world, there are two types of vampires – the Morois and the Strigois. The Strigois are everything evil in the vampire world. They kill and turn others into vampires for fun. Their goal seems to be to keep the world in chaos and their control. A good person can be turned into a strigoi and lose everything that made them good.

Now a Moroi is a born vampire, some are royal and some are not. They need blood to survive but do not kill to do so. In fact there is usually a group of willing humans who live in Moroi compounds know as feeders; they get high from the bites.

OK, that may seem weird but there is another species that lives in this world called dhamphirs. Dhamphirs are humans mixed with vampires. Because they are strong like vampires but able to handle light as humans do they protect the Morois from Strigois. It is a symbiotic relationship. One helps create the other while the other helps protect the first.

Our heroine is dhamphir Rose Hathaway who is training to be a guardian and loves it. Since she was in kindergarten she has been best friends with Lisa Dragomir, the last living member of the royal Dragomir family. Their bond is very strong, Rose can even read Lisa’s mind. And it will be Rose’s job to protect Lisa once they are finished with school.

It is a case of opposites as Rose is very fiesty and prone to hit first and ask questions later. Lisa is more cultured and sociable. Each would protect the other no matter what. This relationship might start the book but what drives it through the series is Rose’s relationship with her instructor, Dimitri. It is a love match but they also have challenges, such as he is seven years older and her teacher. She is a hot head who knows she has to learn control.

There is a lot to love about these books. They handle teen behavior such as the hormonal ups and downs. One character gets into cutting to relieve her emotional pain, another is anti-social and sarcastic. There are mean girl situations and dealings with spirits that are just as spooky for vampires as they are for humans. Plus there are plenty of action scenes to keep you interested. Book four – Blood Promise – has a heart wrenching fight that surprised me.

I started on Vampire Academy, then moved on to Frost Bite, Shadow Kissed and Blood Promise in quick order. I had a hard time putting them down once I started reading the books. I then handed the books off to my 17-year-old son and his girlfriend, who is a big Twilight fan. They meet her standards for good fiction, too.

The other night I was in Target and saw Blood Promise on the shelf. To be honest I got excited because now I know I will find the fifth book, whenever it comes out. When that fifth book comes out, I already know three people ready to take on the next journey Rose and Lisa choose to go on.

Karyn Bowman is also known as Mom Goes to the Movies and wrote for The Daily Journal as their movie reviewer for over seven years. She lives in Kankakee County with her outdoor writer husband and four children.